on November 20, 2015

Are you paying attention?

What is life? Have you ever thinking about suicide?

Sometimes, I’m thinking what if I died? Are they gonna missed me when I’m gone? Well, literally I’ve been doing suicide couple of times and I’m gonna do that again in the near time. Literally again, I hope. Since time cannot be undone, how about being newborn human? Just like doing reset button. Yeah, reset button since this is too hard for me. Simply said, suicide. But my other half says that… I do not wanted to forget memories filled up with happiness in my life. Just like when I had birthday party with my family, having my awkwardly first date, having do-it-yourself dinner with her, seeing the beautiful brown eyes of her as both closing and opening time of the year, etc. It was really fun.
People said since words and acts that carried out cannot be undone then the only way to override it is do good things to myself and/or to others. But, what is good things? I regret doing this, I regret doing that. I just wanted to be forgiven for what I’ve done in my life and others.

Well, tl;dr

Just now I’m thinking about something taboo in society, yes. Suicide. God, I’m so sorry for thinking something like this. And… There’s no guarantee I’d meet the people I known until today. There’s no guarantee I’d meet her again, there’s no guarantee I’d have good friends as right now. Today’s date is November 20th, time sure flies. December is coming and then… January 2016. Maybe the suicide I’m thinking right now is being the new Fajar Ramdhan. A normal human. Sooner or later humans are started to forget–Sorry. I mean, buries or something their old memories both happy and sad memories since they usually used short-term memory instead long-term memory with the one they loved or used to be loved. Well, I’m declared to be exceptional. I used long-term memory for both happy and sad memories. Wanna proof? Check out my older blog, I always do nostalgia about my memory with her. 

Man, I don’t want to forget those things. Not that I can forget, though. I always remembered how calm and warm when hugging her, when I’m patting her head, when I’m shedding her tears.But how about her? Is she going to forget our memories? I mean, buried deep down until I dig it up again? I hope she’d never forget our memories.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: