Tongue, Sugar & Coffee

on October 15, 2015

It’s been while since last time I post something in here. How long it’s been?

Many things happen in my romantic life since last time I posted in here (24 March). First, I am officially college student right now, even I’m on my third semester right now. Time sure flies, right? Second, my hair is kinda low and silky and the third is the most important thing: I am broke up with my girl. Yes. You heard it right.

Are you paying attention?

Actually, it’s been three or four or even five months ago I broke up with her. That time, I said that I am bored with her and cannot chat with her all day via LINE, text or calls. I just fucking bored with monotone relationship. I’m hurting her feeling and we’re having “temporary break”. I don’t text her nor reply her texts, one day she comes to my house and gave back her necklace I gave her for birthday present and she says, “I can’t hold it anymore. Sorry, we must break up” or something like that. I can’t remember it correctly since I’m shocked hearing that from her. But we’re break up.

You know what’s funny thing is? After we’re break up, I started to contacting with her. We still meet each other and just like a couple. But we’re not a couple anymore. Many times she’s asking me to be couple again and I said I am enjoyed being single and having friend with benefit’s relationship. And eventually, she’s starting to give up on me. At that time, I was like, “It’s okay, I’m happy being like this. No rules, nothing to thinking about. I’m free!”


Two days ago, I accidentally open Path app and saw her check ins at restaurant or something with someone … I don’t know, her crush? I think more than that, her boyfriend. The caption is kiss emoticon. The moment I saw it … I was freezing. I can’t believe it. More precisely, I DON’T want to believe it. But that’s the truth, I can’t deny it.

I started to realize something, man this is the most important part in this post. Haha. It’s just like when I still on High School when she having someone else with besides me. I feel jealous, I feel envy, I feel having in love or even just fallen in love with her. It’s just like the first months with her. The pain I felt, the waiting time, the jealous.

I feel alive.

This IS what I’m seeking. I realized that I’m not wanting to be single, it turns out that I’m a simple man, I just want to feel jealous and envy. I am a masochist, egoistic and for five months I lost my loving sense. I was wrong treating my own body, I shouldn’t ask for caring with love but caring with jealousy. Weird, right? I was like a tongue that lost the sweet from sugar, after I tastes the bitter of coffee I started to senses the sweet of sugar. Sadly, it’s too damn late. The coffee already mixed with the sugar. It gave me bittersweet taste and acidity. I’m thinking to myself, should I take her back? But, I fucked up our relationship! 

Wait for someone is really hurt. It’s fucking hurt, fuck. Sometimes I feel want to quit, but sometime I really want to keep going. It’s been while since last time I feel this pain. It completes me.

P.s if you’re reading this, Sorry for being jerk … But I want to have you. I’d wait for you, I’m not gonna use the jerk path like the first time. I’m gonna wait for you. 


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